YAY! It’s 2011! Time to completely change into an entirely new human being overnight!
That’s right, this is the time, this is the place, this is the space in which all your dreams will come true!!!
Because you have decided to charge forth into the unknown, sword at the ready. You will be more beautiful, more handsome, taller, skinnier, healthier, wealthier and stealthier than ever before! People will not be able to look at you, because you burn with the energy of 10,000 suns and they will bow down, bow down and worship you because you are so awesome.
Oh, and not to mention that ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/partner/cat will be so incredibly jealous of you. You showed them. Now go forth, and fry them to a crisp. (Not that you hold any grudges or anything, ye pure of heart.)
And you, that male/female reading this. Yeah, I’m typing specifically at you. You who decided that their New Year’s resolution is to not spend more money this year. You, the person who is going to tell me that my Christmas present is also my birthday present based on the proximity of my birthday to Christmas. You, when faced with a zero bank balance right after New Year’s see my birthday and go, “Oh, she’ll understand.”
No, I don’t understand. Christmas and my birthday are two entirely separate holidays. They are not a joint holiday. Just as someone who is born on Christmas is not trying to jack the holiday of Christmas itself, my birthday is not there for you to utilize as an excuse to reinforce your ability to not buy me anything. Not that I’m materialistic or base my existence on number of presents = love. No. You can pull out the craft supplies from the year you resolved to be more creative and make me a card. You can go donate a bunch of used books to a children’s hospital in my name. You can buy a few cans of food for the homeless shelter. Seriously, I’m past the time when flaming pink boxes full of plastic rocked my world. (With the exception of the new camera I got that took the above and below pictures – it is flaming pink. It does rock my world.)
So this year I’ve decided to be more Polish. Actually, becoming more Polish was a present from my best friend and his wife, one of which is actually Polish. To become honorary Polish is a long process, consisting of being able to say, “Smacznego!” whenever food is served to you, and to always, always, always accept food – even if you are so full that you have to store that fifth helping of bigos in your lungs.
When you have achieved these two criteria you are bestowed (or have option to pick) a Name Day. On the name day you get told something in Polish which roughly translates into “Isn’t this so awesome, oh ma gawd!?!?” and given presents. Then everyone has to be your slave, including the Queen and the President of the United States, which is why there exists so many look-a-likes in the world, just as why there are all those Santas out there at all the malls and in front of department stores. Santa has to be your slave too.
Now, I may be stretching the truth slightly, but getting a name day is actually a pretty cool thing for a just-after-Christmas-and-New-Years-baby like me. It means that, considering that no one is generally around during this time or are with “family” or “friends,” I can now move the majority of celebration to my Name Day, which, for all those who want to write it down, is now March 13th. I also get a Polish name, Krystyna, which must be even more difficult to get on personalized pencils and bike licence plate kits than my current name.
So where is this blog post going? Is there a point? A reason? A thought process? No, not really. You see, life is what you make of it. So if you want to be more smartlier or handsomier than the next, or greatlier or happlier than the rest, just make a little step forward each day – don’t expect your life to change overnight.
Unless you win the lottery. Then wow, you are looking really good there, handsomest. Care to pay off my student loan?
And don’t worry about not getting me anything for my birthday. I’ve got a Name Day now, and provided you can eat more food than three people who weigh 3x more than you, you can too. And we can get each other pencils with our new Polish names on them… or maybe we can just be a little nicer this year to people, and give a few more hugs out.
Happy New Year.
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