The Explination on Usage of Moon Pies to Get Exercise within the United States for the residents of the United Kingdom

Firstly, apologies for the long absence.  I, being of American stock, have been touring the various illnesses of Britain over the past three months which rendered me into a coughing, feverish mess.

Sometimes, it’s fun to point the differences between Americans and Britains.  On the whole we are rather similar.  But, as they say, we are two nations divided by a common language.

Take the moon pie, for instance:

The Moon Pie. Source of all that is good.

The moon pie, or MoonPie is a pastry which consists of two round graham cracker cookies with marshmallow filling in the center, dipped in chocolate or other flavors. (Source: Wikipedia, font of all truth.)  These can be comparable to:

The Tunnock Tea Cake. Heavy on the marshmellow.

1. The Tunnocks Tea Cake (a biscuit with marshmallow fluff on top and entirely covered in milk chocolate)

or

The Wagon Wheel. A compressed Moon Pie.

2. Wagon Wheel, which is a biscuit with a marshmallow centre and covered in a chocolate flavoured coating.

The main difference between the MoonPie and Tunnocks Tea Cake and Wagon Wheel is you do not have to walk in a circle to get one.

In the USA, preferably the south, you are often invited to participate in school fairs.  These fairs are often fundraisers and consist of milk can toss, dunk tanks, and locking your friends in a cage for fun.  But one of the highlights is the cake, pie or MoonPie walk, in which you place a series of numbers in a circle on the ground.  You then play music and people walk over these numbers until the music stops.  A number is called, and if you are the lucky person standing on that number, you get a pie.

A delicious, vaguely nutritious, MoonPie.  If you were particularly lucky you scored several MoonPies, which would negate, if not reverse entirely, all the walking you were currently participating in.

I recall participating in many of these events, none of which would be completely feasible within the UK.  This is because:

  1. The weather in the UK is completely unpredictable.  If you ever want to get into a knock-down, drag-out fight over doppler technology, by all means, come to England.  Weather here can go from sunny, to freezing, to raining, to fog, to sunny in about an hour or so.  Also, there isn’t a lot of “space” in buildings from Victorian times (or earlier).
  2. Even if you move the pie walk indoors you would have a complete communication breakdown over what a pie is.  Imagine the shock of being handed a steaming lamb savory when your heart was set on peach.  Fruit pies are not common in the UK.
  3. You would have to figure out the level of drunkenness for participation.  Are you looking at this being a one-cider giggle, or does this only seem like a good idea when you are three sheets to the wind and screaming Oasis songs at the top of your lungs?

When I explain this novelty to my colleagues at work they sit and smile accordingly.  Some make little “humming” sounds as if to state that this southern idea is good, and perhaps at their next village festival they my implement the idea of wandering in a circle for cake.  But, sometimes I think it’s an automated response from listening to me drone on for two years about such American things.  (y’all v. ya’ll, the concept of the south rising again, pick-up trucks in general… and so on.)

The main point of this piece, however, is the fact that since I’ve had this conversation at work I really, really want a MoonPie.

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