These things, they are important

World Cup is coming.

If you are an American, this matters little as football, known to us of the States persuasion as soccer, is not something we understand.

Try as we might, men dressed in shorts running amok on a field in a form of “strategy” in order to place a round ball of any type of color into a net does not compute.  Someone somewhere in a book or magazine or podcast stated this might be because we, as Americans, like to push our American sports forward as being… well… American.  So even though we send a little team of men to wherever the World Cup is being held most people don’t care as much about it as… say… the Superbowl.

Thank God for the Walkers Flavor Cup.

The Walkers Flavor Cup is, by far, the most important crisp championship on the face of the Earth.  It also helps you learn the actual way that football works.

Much like the World Cup the Flavor Cup divides countries into groups which play against each other with fierce determination, in this case, by you as a human being searching every store in the Oxfordshire area for all the bags of crisps.

You then line them up and systematically play each country against one another by opening one, more, or all of the bags of crisps and eating them.  May I suggest, much like the games themselves, you schedule this fete over a period of time and not indulge in a crisp orgy.

After careful consideration and thought, you eliminate bags which do not meet your taste satisfaction.  This can be a random scale assigned to you and only you, which follows no exact rules much like the sport of football itself. (Save for offsides and dramatic falls on behalf of players.  Rugby overrides football as it is just an all-out brawl.  Cricket is even more hardcore as you dress yourself up nicely in order to catch hard red rubber balls which fly at you at 100 mph with your bare hands.)

Once you have played the crisps down to their final groups, you then hold a championship in which you stand over the table of two bags and play eeny-meany-miney-moe.  After your mommy has told you to pick the very best one you then text or go online to the Walkers site and vote your favorite.  You can also upload fan pictures, if you are so inclined to not have any issues letting the world know that you are a massive salt addict.

Along the way you might learn things such as that Italians are cheaters and English football players like to swap wives (often without each other knowing).  You may learn what all the lines on the field mean and come to appreciate that you don’t stop every 2 minutes for a commercial break.  And, you might even find yourself in awe that the teams actually have names and are not called Samson, Fly Emirates, or Carling.  If you are really lucky you get to learn all the rude cheers, one which I learned from watching a football movie called Finding Eric:

What a friend we have in Jesus
He`s a saviour from afar
What a friend we have in Jesus
And his name is Cantona…